matriz

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish. A

leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the

presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they

waited:

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I

thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.

The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television

set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.

He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with

his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his neighbour's wife. I was

appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I

had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'...

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being

late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In

fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late

Re: Road sign

Watch out for the ladies !!

Re: Some Confession Jokes

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon

went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead.

Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some

Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.

You're not to see that woman again.

For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box .'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that.You didn't put any money in the poor

box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and

according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'