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bullforever
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Posts posted by bullforever
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
Q: What do you call a funeral where you smell your own flowers?
A: A wedding.
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and decided to get married.
There was only one thing bothering me - her beautiful younger sister. My sister-in-law-to-be was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and went bra-less.
One day she called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she told me she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn' t overcome. She said she wanted to make love to me just once before I married her sister. Of course I was totally shocked and couldn' t say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom now, and if you want one last wild fling, come up and join me."
I was stunned as I watched her go up the stairs. At the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down at me. I stood there for a moment, and then turned and made a beeline straight out the front door to my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We' re so happy that you' ve passed our little test. We couldn' t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"
The moral of this story: Always keep your condoms in your car.
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
An elderly gentleman was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one
evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request
to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart etc.
The couple had been married almost 55 years and clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'
The old man hung his head. 'I must tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 5 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!'
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
'"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
'"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.
'"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
'"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you fool!" he says.
"Someone has stolen our tent!"
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
Some more interesting quotes
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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
For those who have a difficult time understanding how we can go from crisis to recovery in a few short months, here it is in simple terms:
It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's ********** that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?" One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
A truck driver had the habit of running over lawyers whenever he sees one by the roadside. One day on his way back, a priest asked for a lift and he too stopped the truck and took him in. While they were on their way he saw a lawyer. Due to his usual habit, he went near the lawyer to run him over. Suddenly he realized that the priest was also sitting alongside with him so he steered right and missed him by a whisker.. But he heard a sound but couldn't make out anything.
Priest said, "Don't worry son. I got him with the door"
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."
The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers--we had $100 when we broke in!"
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
The best one (Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold
"Dickie” Bird).
"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for
Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one
couldn’t bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous
words describing an equally inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run,
it is merely the basis for further negotiations!"
Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton "He was the
only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same
time."
Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner
as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors... both got injured.
*Both* opted for runners when it was their turn to bat.
Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner
and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that
a second run was on. Now we had all four running. Due to the confusion and
constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually, all of them ran to the same end.
Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor
laughing their behinds out.
One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the
ball and throws down the wicket at the other end.
Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs
them "One of you buggers is out. I don't know which. You decide and
inform the bloody scorers!".
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
This is not exactly a joke. But the lesson contained in this story impressed me. That is why I decided to post it here.
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A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.
He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'
'50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the students answered.
'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor,'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'
'Nothing' the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour? ' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.
'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'
'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis;
Have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students laughed.
'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change? ' asked
The professor. 'No' the students said.
Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'
The students were puzzled.
'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.
'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'
Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY !
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
(from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself
HEIGHT OF BROWSING: U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
Newton in romantic mood......
Universal law:
" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed;
only it can transfer from
One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
first law:
" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "
second law:
" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "
third law:
" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
to the force applied by the girl while slapping..
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Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
Since I am the initiator of this thread, I start with some funny one liners. Here they are
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
If I save time, when do I get it back?
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.
A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say
If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?
Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.
How come we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
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Indo Investasi Joke Thread
Hello friends,
This thread is a general joke thread. Instead of creating a new thread for every joke, let us form a new thread for all kinds of jokes so that any one can easily go through it.
Last but not least. This is a no holds barred kind of joke thread. I mean every type of joke is welcome in this thread. But please no personal attacks against any one.
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Re: Stock Market Jokes
A TV channel crew interviewed a trader who is coming out of the stock exchange just when the markets were closed after having a huge crash. The interview went as follows: -
TV crew: Are you a bull or a bear?
Trader: None. I am an a**.
Indo Investasi Joke Thread
in Fun and Games
Posted
Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread
Dumbest kid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,
Then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"