masterguru

If some one has this please share.

The Candlestick Success Formula by ***"Steve Nison"**

This is his latest recording of his seminar.

Thanks

hxxp://[email protected]/successformula/?page_id=211

Working Man Blues

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned .. couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so ...they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because ...it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that ...was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but ...I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just ...didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I...couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found ...I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I...didn't have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I ...just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I ...couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I ...tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool-maintenance company, but the work was ...just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I ..wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a fitness-center, but they said I ...wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking and I ...was discharged.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was ...no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it ..was always the same old grind.

Computer Novices

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but the following call to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit.

Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

Computers and Cars

At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared The computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

Does any one have "Yin Yang Forex Trading – The Mastermind Unleashed" by the same person Scott Shubert.

This is the latest course from Scott.

Thanks

(1) Fine:

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes.. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:

This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever:

Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Shelia walked into the kitchen to find her husband, Fred, stalking around with a fly swatter.

"And what are we doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh? Killing any?" she asked, with a smirk.

"Yep! Got 4 males, 3 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How the heck can you tell?"

"Simple." He replied, "4 were on a beer can, 3 were on the phone."

Here is the link to the download

http://www.forexillusion.com/download27064.html

Enjoy

Recived the file.

Thanks Craven for your generosity

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the U.S. to individuals and families with income below a certain level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.

- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

- I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

- Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

- I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?

- I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

- This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.

- Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows.

- I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.

- In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.

- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.

- My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.

- Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

- You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?

- I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.

- I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

- In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

What is a Cat?

Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

Dog and Cat

What is a Cat?

Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

Walking...

- Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

- My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the heck she is.

- The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

- I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

- I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

- I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

- The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

- And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

- You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!

Things to Ponder

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not

a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said,

"Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use

the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you

still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about

seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut

saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people

take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that

it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box

to start a campfire?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists --- most of them

came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as

10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and

those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration...

Warning: Virus

There's a new virus.

The code name is "WORK."

If you receive WORK from your colleagues,

your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else --

do not touch WORK under any circumstances.

This virus wipes out your private life completely.

If you should happen to come in contact with this virus,

take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar.

Order drinks -- and after three rounds, you will find

that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends.

Should you realize you do not have five friends,

this means you are already infected by this virus

and WORK already controls your whole life.

If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until

you make at least five friends. Then retry.

I think I have five friends, but am not entirely

positive -- so I'm headed for the bar anyway.

Never hurts to be safe.

Random Thoughts from a Woman

1) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

2) Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

3) One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 LBS.

4) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

5) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

6) The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

7) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

8) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

9) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

10) I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

11) Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

12) Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat," Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

13) A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

14) They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch ... do it and die."

15) The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)

16) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

17) I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

18) If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

He uses the same sales pitch to sell real estate courses.

He jack of all trades but master of none

In a Hurry for Golf

For all the golfers out there and their patient, loving wives...

Paul and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

Paul said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a big hurry!

I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf.

So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with

it-- I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness--Paul is a very brave man,

asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

Paul turned to Barbara and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and

show the doctor which tooth hurts."

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:

Dear Husband, "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:

Dear Wife, "Whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

Dear Husband, "You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:

Dear wife, "NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

Things Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4 My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Woman's Dictionary

* Yes = No.

* No = Yes.

* Maybe = No.

* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.

* We need = I want.

* It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now.

* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

* We need to talk = I need to complain.

* Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.

* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.

* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

* I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper.

* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate.

* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

* Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

Johnkayode2010

Thanks a lot.

Greatly appreciated

TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride

Approached her new husband and asked

For $20..00 for their first lovemaking

Encounter. In his highly aroused state,

Her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made

Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a

Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that

She needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was

Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.

During the next few minutes, he explained that

His employer was going through a process of corporate

Downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find

Another position that paid anywhere near what

He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which

Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling

Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued

By the bank which were worth over $2 million,

And informed him that they

Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than

Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,

These holdings had multiplied and these were the

Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments

Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could

Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,

'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,

I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when

To keep their mouths shut

Re: McDaddy Trading course -Price Behavior

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Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot".

I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license,

I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.

He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said,

"But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she

looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ...

I have had Sex since I was nine years old."

He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy.

" When I decided to get married, I told the minister

that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.

He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.

I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my

whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want

to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in

his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex

at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice

of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.

When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a

room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that

every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ...

Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began,

the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking

around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said

that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said,

"I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of

the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left

me after I was married."

The Judge said, "Same here!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her.

A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock

in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with

that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first

session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever

. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister,

you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."

Re: McDaddy Trading course -Price Behavior

Watcher

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I also managed to open these files with Adobe Media Player.

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