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Posted

The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

 

 

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

 

 

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

 

 

After both suffering from depression for awhile, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!

 

 

I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

 

 

 

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

 

 

 

My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

 

 

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

  • 6 months later...
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Guest Pedro Marіa
Posted
Very strange and at the same time funny jokes, I guess the author of these words didn't love his wife very much..)
  • 1 year later...
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