One day, a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is
wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:

Demon: Why so glum, chum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down
here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. Mondays is Drinking Day,
that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness,
wine coolers, diet Tab... we drink till we throw up and
then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. Tuesday is Smoker Day. We get the finest
cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out.
If you get cancer, who cares??... remember... you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Demon: Good, because Wednesday is Gambling Day. ****s, blackjack,
horse races, even greyhound races, you name it. We even opened
up a pai gow poker table.

Guy: Gosh, I never played pai gow before...

Demon: Well now you can. If you get bankrupt...Who cares???
You're already dead. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is Drug Day. Help yourself to a
great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.
You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's okay...
you're already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized that hell was such a swingin' place!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: ...Uh, no.

Demon: Oooh, you're gonna hate Fridays. > > >