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Indo Investasi Joke Thread

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  • Indo Investasi Joke Thread

    The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

    What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

    My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, it's his!

    A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

    A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!

    It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.

    A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!

    I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

    Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
    Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower


    Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
    A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

  • #2
    Re: Stock Market Jokes

    Trading online is just great. I find it really speeds things up.
    I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before
    The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.
    These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:
    "Help me, ladies! I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
    The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?" The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!"

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Stock Market Jokes

      huahahahahaha :lol:

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Stock Market Jokes

        i liked this one the most :

        What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Stock Market Jokes

          A TV channel crew interviewed a trader who is coming out of the stock exchange just when the markets were closed after having a huge crash. The interview went as follows: -

          TV crew: Are you a bull or a bear?

          Trader: None. I am an ass.

          Comment


          • #6
            Indo Investasi Joke Thread

            Hello friends,

            This thread is a general joke thread. Instead of creating a new thread for every joke, let us form a new thread for all kinds of jokes so that any one can easily go through it.

            Last but not least. This is a no holds barred kind of joke thread. I mean every type of joke is welcome in this thread. But please no personal attacks against any one.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

              Since I am the initiator of this thread, I start with some funny one liners. Here they are

              ------------------------------------------------------------------------
              I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.

              I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

              If I save time, when do I get it back?

              Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

              I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

              Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

              Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

              I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

              A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

              Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

              If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your ******ity.

              A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say

              If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?

              Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

              Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

              Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

              A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.

              How come we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?

              Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

                Newton in romantic mood......


                Universal law:

                " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed;
                only it can transfer from
                One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "



                first law:

                " a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
                in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
                any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
                break the legs of the boy. "



                second law:

                " the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
                directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
                the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
                bank balance. "



                third law:

                " the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
                to the force applied by the girl while slapping..

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

                  HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself

                  HEIGHT OF BROWSING: U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

                    The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

                    You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

                    A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

                      When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

                        (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

                          To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research

                          It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

                          If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

                          My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

                          Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

                          Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

                          If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

                          Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

                            This is not exactly a joke. But the lesson contained in this story impressed me. That is why I decided to post it here.
                            ------------------------------------------------------------------------
                            A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.


                            He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'


                            '50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the students answered.


                            'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor,'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'


                            'Nothing' the students said.

                            'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour? ' the professor asked.


                            'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.


                            'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'


                            'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis;


                            Have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students laughed.


                            'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change? ' asked


                            The professor. 'No' the students said.


                            Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'


                            The students were puzzled.


                            'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.


                            'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.


                            Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK.


                            Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.


                            It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but


                            EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.


                            That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'


                            Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY !

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

                              The best one (Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold
                              "Dickie” Bird).


                              "Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for
                              Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one
                              couldn’t bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous
                              words describing an equally inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run,
                              it is merely the basis for further negotiations!"


                              Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton "He was the
                              only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same
                              time."


                              Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner
                              as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors... both got injured.
                              *Both* opted for runners when it was their turn to bat.


                              Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner
                              and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that
                              a second run was on. Now we had all four running. Due to the confusion and
                              constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually, all of them ran to the same end.
                              Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor
                              laughing their behinds out.


                              One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the
                              ball and throws down the wicket at the other end.


                              Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs
                              them "One of you buggers is out. I don't know which. You decide and
                              inform the bloody scorers!".

                              Comment

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