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  1. #1
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    Stock Market Jokes

    The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

    What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

    My broker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, it's his!

    A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

    A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!

    It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.

    A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!

    I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

    Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
    Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower


    Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
    A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

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  • #2
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    Re: Stock Market Jokes

    Trading online is just great. I find it really speeds things up.
    I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before
    The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.
    These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:
    "Help me, ladies! I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
    The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?" The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!"

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  • #3
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    Re: Stock Market Jokes

    huahahahahaha :lol:

  • #4
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    Re: Stock Market Jokes

    i liked this one the most :

    What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

  • #5
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    Re: Stock Market Jokes

    A TV channel crew interviewed a trader who is coming out of the stock exchange just when the markets were closed after having a huge crash. The interview went as follows: -

    TV crew: Are you a bull or a bear?

    Trader: None. I am an ass.

  • #6
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    Indo Investasi Joke Thread

    Hello friends,

    This thread is a general joke thread. Instead of creating a new thread for every joke, let us form a new thread for all kinds of jokes so that any one can easily go through it.

    Last but not least. This is a no holds barred kind of joke thread. I mean every type of joke is welcome in this thread. But please no personal attacks against any one.

  • #7
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    Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

    Since I am the initiator of this thread, I start with some funny one liners. Here they are

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect.

    I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.

    If I save time, when do I get it back?

    Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

    I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

    Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

    Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

    I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

    A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

    Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

    If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your ******ity.

    A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say

    If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?

    Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

    Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

    Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

    A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.

    How come we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?

    Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

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  • #8
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    Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

    Newton in romantic mood......


    Universal law:

    " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed;
    only it can transfer from
    One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "



    first law:

    " a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
    in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
    any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
    break the legs of the boy. "



    second law:

    " the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
    directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
    the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
    bank balance. "



    third law:

    " the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
    to the force applied by the girl while slapping..

  • #9
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    Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

    HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending email to himself

    HEIGHT OF BROWSING: U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...

  • #10
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    Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

    The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

    You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

    A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

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