Indo Investasi Joke Thread

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the Man's face was severely burned.

 

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

 

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

 

After all, this was a very delicate matter.

 

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.

 

He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty !

 

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

 

He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'

'My darling,' she replied,' I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

The Dictionary: what mathematics professors say and what they mean by it

 

Clearly: I don't want to write down all the "in-between" steps.

Trivial: If I have to show you how to do this, you're in the wrong class.

It can easily be shown: No more than four hours are needed to prove it.

Check for yoursel: This is the boring part of the proof, so you can do it on your own time.

Hint: The hardest of several possible ways to do a proof.

Brute force: Four special cases, three counting arguments and two long inductions.

Elegant proof: Requires no previous knowledge of the subject matter and is less than ten lines long.

Similarly: At least one line of the proof of this case is the same as before.

Two line proof: I'll leave out everything but the conclusion, you can't question 'em if you can't see 'em.

Briefly: I'm running out of time, so I'll just write and talk faster.

Proceed formally: Manipulate symbols by the rules without any hint of their true meaning.

Proof omitted: Trust me, It's true

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville, Florida , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.

 

Interested he goes to learn more - 'Can you give me some more details about this?' he asks the guy behind the desk.

 

The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies - 'Oh yes here it is: The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.

 

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions.

 

You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles fom here.'

 

'Oh why, is that where the job's is located?'

 

'No sir - that's where the end of the applicants line is!'

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

 

80% held up their hands.

 

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

 

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

 

"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.

 

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

 

"Ninety-eight." she replied.

 

"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front &tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years &not have an enemy in the world?"

 

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

God is a great artist. See how he has used sun to draw this errecting picture

 

http://img252.imageshack.us/img252/7106/architectsgoodworkspoil.jpg

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

 

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD Good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?

Student : Yes.

Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't.

 

How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

 

(Student was silent )

 

Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good?

Student : Yes.

Professor : Is Satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor : Where does Satan come from ?

Student : From . . . GOD . . .

Professor : That's right. Tell Me son, is there evil in this World?

Student : Yes.

Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor : So who created evil ?

 

(Student did not answer)

 

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?

All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor : So, who Created them ?

 

(Student had no answer)

 

Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.

Professor : Yes,Faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

Professor : Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?

Professor : Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn't.

 

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )

 

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,

a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't have anything called Cold.

We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go

 

any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold.

Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.

We cannot Measure Cold. Heat is Energy.

Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

 

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

 

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?

Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir.

Darkness is the Absence of Something

You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .

But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called

 

Darkness, isn't it?

In reality, Darkness isn't.

If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?

Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.

Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.

You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD

 

and a Bad GOD.

You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something

 

we can measure.

Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.

It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully

 

understood either one.

To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that

Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.

Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it

Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?

Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

 

(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )

 

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and

Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor,

Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?

Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

 

(The Class was in Uproar )

 

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?

 

(The Class broke out into Laughter )

 

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain,

 

Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .

No one appears to have done so.

So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable,

 

Demonstrable Protocol,

Science says that You have No Brain, sir.

With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

 

(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)

 

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.

Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly !

The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.

That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

 

 

That student was Albert Einstein.

 

So, I am told.

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

 

The Chinese friend just says 'CHIN YU YAN' and dies.

 

SANTA goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.

 

And finds It means 'U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!'

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

Oh my God! :o my Metatrader candlesticks are repainting the past. wat da f+ck i tought i entered the trade @ 4:39 am my digital clock is gone back to 4:22 am.

repainting, repainting, repainting what da hell is wrong. cuz my brain is also repinting its memory. Avoid Smoking weed :D

Re: Indo Investasi Joke Thread

 

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well a s she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

 

The doctor told him there is a simple test the he could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

 

"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

 

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 Feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

 

No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.

 

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response.

 

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

 

"Good Lord, Ralph, are you deaf? I said for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN !"

Awful Neighbours!!

 

There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leads.

 

 

Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

 

 

To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked in her life. Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for his racist comments.

 

 

A shopkeeper blamed him for arranging the murder of his son and his son's girl-friend, but nothing has ever been proved.

 

 

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

 

 

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs.

 

 

It is not known if they have the same father.

 

 

They are both out of control.

 

 

God I hate living near Buckingham Palace

good one tradeforexfx! never ever would have thought about buckingham palace. It sounded like a ghetto story, with a twist.

hahahahaha:))

oghhhhhhhhhhhhhh haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

hahahahahaha.....

Hello! I live in Singapore and can not find a girlfriend (I am a girl). Does anyone know any special resources san antonio chat rooms for this purpose? By the way, in my life I often encounter biphobia, both from women and men. no one takes it seriously and everyone thinks that I will leave one gender to date another... it's just ridiculous for me Edited February 5, 2022 by sineh