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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
'"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
'"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.
'"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
'"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you fool!" he says.
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers, Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via email with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little 'Pop-Up' appeared that said
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'You have Male!'
[attachment=0:1u8txui6]baby.gif[/attachment:1u8txui6]
An elderly gentleman was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one
evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request
to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart etc.
The couple had been married almost 55 years and clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'
The old man hung his head. 'I must tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 5 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!'
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and decided to get married.
There was only one thing bothering me - her beautiful younger sister. My sister-in-law-to-be was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and went bra-less.
One day she called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she told me she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn' t overcome. She said she wanted to make love to me just once before I married her sister. Of course I was totally shocked and couldn' t say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom now, and if you want one last wild fling, come up and join me."
I was stunned as I watched her go up the stairs. At the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down at me. I stood there for a moment, and then turned and made a beeline straight out the front door to my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We' re so happy that you' ve passed our little test. We couldn' t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"
The moral of this story: Always keep your condoms in your car.
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