Took a look at this for some daily entertainment.

Same samples:

#1: Money might not buy happiness, but I'll take my chances!

#1: If I could choose between world peace and a reasonable fortune, my first Lambo would be orange.

#1: If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull***t.

#1: When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail.

#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa loves rich kids more.

#1: [At the gym] What machine should I use to impress the girls?
#2: The ATM.

#1: Listening to Obama talk about the economy is like listening to a chick talk about football.

#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, mother*****r.

#1: Fact. Nearly 50% of all American workers have less than $10k saved for retirement.
#2: Damn. That wouldn't cover a ski weekend.